How to Help Teens Manage Their Re-Entry Anxiety

By Jody Podl

Dr. Abigail Stark is a fellow on the McLean Anxiety Mastery Program. We spoke together with her about easy methods to assist our teenagers by way of one more a part of the pandemic: re-entry anxiousness.

Q: What are you seeing in your follow amongst adolescents?

Stark: This previous 12 months, anxiousness has been arising increasingly more. We regularly consider uncertainty as one of many underlying issues that breeds anxiousness and when life is unsure, it’s necessary for us to have the ability to sit with that uncertainty. And this 12 months has been extra unsure than most.

There’s been nobody typical response.

For a number of the teenagers I’m working with, the pandemic has nearly been like a aid. So for teenagers who’ve been having hassle going to highschool day-after-day, interacting with friends, experiencing social anxiousness, having panic assaults and feeling actually nervous leaving the home, this has allowed them to keep away from that anxiousness extra and keep dwelling. Within the brief time period, it feels nice while you get to love sit in your mattress and do class from there.

And for different youngsters who thrive on connection and on routine, the uncertainty and unpredictability of this 12 months, being lower off from their associates, it’s been actually devastating. They’ve skilled numerous grieving and lack of the issues that they anticipated to have this 12 months: sports activities video games, dances, issues like that.

Q: How can dad and mom assist their youngsters who’re feeling re-entry anxiousness or could also be a bit reluctant to return into the world?

Stark: The principle thought is that anxiousness tends to make us wish to keep away from issues. It might probably really feel so overwhelming and uncomfortable, like noticing your heartbeat quickening and a few youngsters may really feel sick to their abdomen. It might probably really feel extra comfy to be at dwelling and actually scary to be out on this planet.

The first step is to note the feelings that you simply’re feeling about re-entry anxiousness. “I’m about to return to highschool in particular person for the primary time. What am I feeling in my physique? What am I noticing? What ideas are happening?

In the event you’re a guardian, validate that emotion in your teen by saying, “It looks like you’re feeling actually anxious proper? Now, in fact, it’s the first day again to highschool. That makes complete sense.” Assist youngsters to make sense of their feelings.

Q: How will we keep away from getting caught in that feeling of re-entry anxiousness?

Stark: What we learn about anxiousness is that the extra we keep away from one thing that we’ve to do, the scarier and more durable it will get. And if I do go into college that day, and type of face that worry, it’s going to be uncomfortable. I don’t wish to mince phrases and act prefer it’s going to be butterflies and implausible. It’ll in all probability really feel actually laborious, and our mind learns that’s laborious, and I can deal with it.

Q: So ought to we be nudging them?

Stark: I sometimes advocate discovering a step-by-step method to beat re-entry anxiousness. For somebody with gentle to average ranges of tension, ask the varsity district if they’ll are available to highschool one or two days every week or if they’ll are available for a examine corridor to begin getting used to that feeling of being round different youngsters strolling within the hallways.

For teenagers with college avoidance who’ve extreme ranges of tension, a primary step is likely to be really driving to the varsity car parking zone when college is just not in session or strolling into the varsity when different teenagers aren’t there. We name this publicity.

We would like teenagers to be prepared. I’d by no means wish to work with somebody and say, “We’re going to drop you off and push you inside.” We have to discover out what they’re prepared to do in that second. And I believe that’s at all times an ideal query dad and mom can ask their teenagers: What may you do to push your self proper now? Is it not doing homework in mattress and sitting at a desk as a substitute? Is it getting dressed within the morning? Getting up a bit earlier? What can we do to begin shifting again?

Q: How can we assist youngsters take into consideration these friendships and returning to them?

Stark: One of many issues that may be useful is opening up with curiosity. Ask them, “Are you excited to see your mates in particular person? What are you nervous about? What do you suppose is likely to be totally different?” After which dad and mom want to have the ability to type of sit with it and say, “Yeah, it’s going to be totally different. It’s going to be laborious. Let’s see what occurs. And I’m right here to assist you.”

Q: How will we discuss to our children in regards to the summer season or the subsequent a number of months?

Stark: The principle thought I’ve right here is making an attempt to acknowledge the uncertainty and assist youngsters sit with uncertainty, as a result of uncertainty is certainly emphasised proper now. And life simply usually is unsure. And it’s such a fantastic software of resilience to have to have the ability to sit with that feeling.

I’ll usually sit down with a number of the teenagers I’m working with and have them write down the issues that they’ll management of their lives, like what time they get up within the morning, or what they are saying to their buddy by textual content, and the issues that they’ll’t management. As a result of numerous issues  — like what life will seem like in June — we are able to’t management. However we nonetheless have the urges to fret about it and give it some thought rather a lot and try to regulate it. And that tends to make us really feel extra depressing. And so we attempt to parse aside what we are able to management. What can we make predictable and make into routines to make really feel extra structured proper now? And what do we’ve to simply settle for and sit with?

Q: After we ought to search assist for our children’ anxiousness?

Stark: Are they capable of do the issues that they wish to do in life? Or is anxiousness, unhappiness, temper, emotion, getting in the way in which of like doing issues they wish to do? If a teen actually desires to attach with associates, and it’s simply feeling so overwhelmed that they’re mendacity in mattress all day, to me that might sign we want some extra coping expertise. If somebody is de facto fascinated about doing effectively at school, however they’re unable to get homework completed or focus, that might be a sign to me.

After which secondly, if they’re functioning or reaching their targets, however should you see your child is shaking, having panic assaults, crying a number of instances per week, seeming actually down, are actually anxious or dysregulated having numerous outbursts at dwelling, that to me could be could be an indication when that there’s a stage of misery.

Q: Any final phrases?

Stark: This previous 12 months has been such a difficult 12 months nationally globally throughout the developmental spectrum for younger youngsters, teenagers, and adults. On the identical time, it’s introduced psychological well being extra into the dialog. We all know how necessary it’s to speak with our teenagers about this. The kids I work with have extra information about their very own feelings, and faculties appear to be emphasizing it extra. I’m hoping we are able to type of preserve going. Meaning having this curiosity about our feelings and what coping expertise we are able to use so we are able to come ahead from this with some resilience. We all know teenagers are actually, actually resilient and powerful.