Understanding the Iceberg Theory of Behavior
The iceberg concept is a often cited mannequin of habits which states that an individual’s habits can solely be correctly understood within the context of the elements that triggered it. What an individual does is “the tip of the iceberg”– what we do not see are the emotional, social, cultural, and different elements that lie beneath the floor and trigger that habits.
The speculation is used broadly in enterprise, psychology, and academia. It is usually a fantastic software to have in your again pocket when coping with issues in private relationships and training self-awareness. That is one concept that basically holds water (sorry).
The Iceberg Principle and ‘Unhealthy’ Habits
Final week I used to be needlessly impolite to somebody. I used to be taking part in with my women when a supply driver knocked on the door. As I opened it, my seven-pound canine with a Napoleon advanced slipped by way of my legs and ran, barking, on the driver.
The person jumped backward down my entrance steps, practically falling over and really dropping his keys, telephone, and the bundle he’d come to ship. He shouted angrily (and repeatedly), “It is best to study to regulate your canine! Kind out your canine! What are you doing?!”
At that time, I ought to have stated “I am so sorry he scared you. I promise he is innocent — he simply slipped by way of my legs.”
However I did not.
I shouted again that he was overreacting and being ridiculous. Fortunately a neighbor was capable of calm him down, and he belligerently handed over the bundle and acquired again in his van as I wordlessly closed the door.
Utilizing the Iceberg Principle to Establish Private Triggers
As quickly as he left, I used to be riddled with guilt for my habits. Why did I react that method? Why did not I simply apologize and diffuse the state of affairs? I felt terrible for the remainder of the afternoon. Then, as I lay in mattress, I thought of what had occurred within the 10 minutes earlier than that knock on the door.
I had simply completed coping with a 40-minute cookie-related meltdown from my three-year-old whereas cleansing shards of glass from the kitchen ground after trying to empty the dishwasher with a squirming six-month-old on my hip, and that exact same seven-pound canine with a Napoleon advanced had been sick on the rug. I used to be frazzled, pissed off, aching, and exhausted. I used to be a powder keg. The supply driver’s anger, although comprehensible, was the spark that lit the fuse of my rage.
As soon as I understood why I had behaved the way in which I had, it was a lot simpler to forgive myself. My outburst was disproportionate and misdirected, nevertheless it was a symptom of a deeper problem — emotional burnout.
This strategy additionally helped me to rationalize the supply driver’s habits. For all I knew, he might need had a pathological worry of canines brought on by childhood trauma. It might need been his first day on the job. He might need been affected by melancholy or have a naturally anxious disposition. The iceberg concept helped me to place our interplay right into a context the place neither considered one of us was the villain — we had been each simply individuals coping with issues beneath the floor.
Habits Is Simply the Tip of the Iceberg
The iceberg concept of habits doesn’t absolve you of wrongdoing. It does not imply that every one habits is suitable if there may be an underlying cause for it. However it’s a helpful method of figuring out private triggers and enhancing self-awareness. It is usually an efficient method of processing battle to construct, keep, and restore relationships. After all, there may be much more I might say on the matter, however attempt to consider this weblog because the tip of the iceberg (once more, sorry).
